You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
