Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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