After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
