So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
