What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
