They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
