Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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