Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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