If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
