Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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