That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
