her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
