sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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