I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
