How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
