so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
