Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
