Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
