Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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