So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
