so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
