i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
