Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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