there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
