Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
