you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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