I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
