mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
