I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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