only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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