Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
