Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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