Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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