WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
