fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
