I wannas sexs uuuuu
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
