Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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