I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
