I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just invented taco cereal.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
