tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
