Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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