Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
