I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
