maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
