I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we're making bets on your personal life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
