Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
