I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
