Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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