somebody snuck up and got me drunk
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
