Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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