She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
